In Blues and Golds – Nicole Lyons (Lithium Chronicles)

God, I am selfish.
I am a selfish lover,
and a selfish friend,
and I am a selfish saint.
But am I selfish on Sunday
when I break my bread
and remember that girl
and her tingles,
and every prayer I whispered,
when I was running
from scared into terrified?
I was unselfish when
I was terrified in that tunnel,
and I was high on those vibes
when we met.
The electric terror and tiptoes,
the sweet sound of bored teenagers
breaking trust and all the rules.
We smoked her stepfather’s cigarettes
and drank my mother’s wine,
and we spray-painted our names
inside each other’s secrets
in golds and blues across dirty metal,
and then she laid me down.
I was unselfish and terrified
that time I said yes
when I meant to say no,
but her fingers were quick
when my resistance was weak,
and I was two seconds to thirteen
and a lifetime from knowing better.
And now I can’t help but feel sorry
when I remember her then,
under those flickering lights
a block away from home,
and the way we kissed.
That kiss that stormed the skies.
That kiss that shook the plains.
That kiss that had her speaking
of tingles and first love,
and body rocks.
That kiss and those tingles,
on that body from a lifetime ago,
are now ravaged to bits
in a home somewhere,
eaten by the degenerate mouths
of degenerative diseases,
and here I am,
still selfish and terrified,
at breakfast on Sunday,
saying a prayer and wondering
if the tingles her body is wracked
and wrecked with now
can come close to the ones I gave her
in blues and golds, way back then.


 

[ Nicole Lyons is a writer/editor for Sudden Denouement. She is a driving force in SD with a voice that resonates with people all over the world. We are honored to have her as a member of our family. She is the creator of The Lithium Chronicles, as well as writing for other sites such as The Feminine Collective. Her first book Hush is an inspired collection of poetry. Most importantly, she is a valued friend and mentor –  Jasper Kerkau. ]

Author: Sudden Denouement

A Literary Collective

40 thoughts on “In Blues and Golds – Nicole Lyons (Lithium Chronicles)”

    1. I’m just over here picking my jaw up off the floor, I can’t tell you how much your words mean to me because I happen to think that you are one of the most spectacular writers out there today. It’s an honour to read your work and to know your soul, you are amazing brother.

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  1. Not quite the same, older, different sort of place, but, oh, how often do I too wonder, “What ever became of that girl?”, and I’m not likely ever to know. Nicole, this is stunning and the more so for that wondering. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

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