Words to Amadeus no. 2 – Howl Davies

 

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I was hoping I would meet you here –
You have changed since.
There is a lot I must say
but mostly
I have only one thought.

I am tired
Amadeus.
I am tired of all this G-d given time.

Not too long ago
A woman –
old enough to be my mother –
gave me a brief glimpse of what is to come.

It was bleak –

And –
I found her alluring.

We discussed many things,

Film, poetry,

Nietzshe,

Salvaged crystal skulls,

Ginsberg and his wasted youth
of the Generation –

That always did fill me with pride…

There has always been this inescapable
Trepidation
About what comes next,
But she calmed them

(briefly)

And then she made me furious.

Amadeus,
How do you do it?
How do you face the world every day
knowing that your efforts are so meagre?

How do you smile, and
laugh, and
dance the night away
knowing that when you awake
you will still be so far displaced?

I have traced your steps to this point,
and I am in a hospital waiting room,
waiting for a doctor to tell me
my heart doesn’t work.

They’re telling me it’s failing to keep a rhythm,
and that I need to stop smoking,
and that I drink too much,
but everyone in the room knows nothing will change.

Amadeus

It was your stunted heart that I obsessed over,

And I’m beginning to see
how it helped you understand
this calamity
which we call home.


[Howl Davies is the creator of The Sounds Inside.]

Author: Sudden Denouement

A Literary Collective

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