Can’t

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Can’t

by pbbr

Can’t sleep lately. Everything’s too bright. I’m not used to serenity; I am comfortable in the moss, under a rock, in the onyx flames of ill repute. Where light burns black with a perfect pitch, a neglected bastardized stinging glitch, oily but warm. Someone came along and snuffed the blackness. It’s too bright in this room. I want to go back to sleep, but not for as long as I will if I do.

Can’t breathe lately. The air’s too clean. Septic breath of a lurid death is what I crave. Putrid stench, nostalgic days. Comfort food like mom used to make, wasp nest chili and seaweed pizza. The old familiar sting of glass in broken nostrils, coppery fragrant like dead wood. Stink of shit and honeysuckle. But someone came along and brought fresh flowers with them. Not the offensive ones; the gorgeous odor of peace. And they make me uneasy.

Can’t talk lately. Not much to berate. I was a stuttering forlorn chicken in a filthy cage, squawking frothing castrated rage. But someone came along with lozenges. Nothing left to scratch and bark. I’m afraid of silence. I’m afraid of mellow golden diatribes, the lack of violence. What happened to screaming at a wall? You’re safe inside, and you know it. And I can’t get to you, and you know I regret it.

Can’t love lately. It’s a stagnant slab of cheery smiles, a vagrant loft of airy lies, laid out before me. Everyone is happy. Let’s all be sociable. Let’s dance with other people’s wives to bubblegum pop, not too close. Leave a void between, the façade of trust and happiness. The empty spaces where attraction used to fit. Deceit, defeat, unseat, complete. Treat me to a stabbing orgasm of penile snap. What the fuck is this trust shit.

Can’t die lately. And it’s making me uncomfortable.

59 thoughts on “Can’t”

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  8. Okay, here’s what you do. Get a 6-pack of Bud Lite and medium pizza with everything on it. Finish both by 7pm, then hit an old-timer’s karaoke bar with one trusted friend and stay until midnight. Sleep in ’til noon the next day and write it up that night. You’ll be fine.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      • Hi. Thanks for the follow… I followed you back. 🙂 I enjoyed reading your recent post about your love for your
        daughter. Aren’t they something! They are our world at that age.
        I actually do the opposite on Sundays. I try to stretch the weekend. I know it doesn’t make sense but old habits are hard to break. haha
        Have a fab week!
        ❤ BP

        Like

  17. This is great. The mix of rhyming was cool, sometimes it doesnt work but you got it sussed.
    want to go back to sleep, but not for as long as I will if I do. – love that line.

    Loads of interesting lines and thoughts, never knowing what to expect from one para to another was fun ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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